MOVING OUT

HI GUYS. I've got a dayre account now! 

Dayre.me/rachelsugarrush so I'm going to stop blogging here ): 

It took me quite awhile to think if I should stop blogging here because. *sniff* all the memories *sniffsniff*

But dayre is so much more convenient and it loads a lot faster as well!! So. Yup, I'm shifting!!! 

Thanks for reading my blog by the way haha *does heart shape sign over head*

I don't know when it got so bad. Probably because it so slowly ate up my mind and occupied all my thoughts. It might not have been my main thought, not something I concentrate on fully or anything, but I could always feel it there, like a niggling voice in mind. It's always telling me that I'm above average size. I'm too fat. Telling me that the folds on my tummy are a disgrace to my body. The size of my thighs could not possibly fit into skinny jeans. My arms look terribly huge in singlets and spaghetti straps. My butt sticks out too much and takes up too much space. My calves are so unnaturally big and they make me look ugly in a dress. 

I always take a little too long to decide if I should take a candy bar, or if I should eat lunch, if I should eat dinner, if I should even eat that day. And the sense of satisfaction that I feel from skipping meals.. I can't exactly call it happiness. Happiness is for something good and pure and feeling happy for starving myself, well, that's pretty twisted. Yet every time I actually eat all three meals a day I feel so guilty, so sick and angry at myself while that voice continues to mock me and tell me that I'm fat I'm fat I'm fat. 

Ah, I don't know. I don't know why and when I started being so mindful of this. 

But I hate that voice, I hate it so much. Just as I dislike my body. 

The past few days have been pretty great! 

On Saturday I went to the library and AHHH, I have to say it was the nicest feeling ever because I had my book fix hehehe finally!! And I borrowed Dear John (trying out a sad book this time!) but I couldn't resist a new Julia Quinn novel too. 

Sheng came at around noon and we watched movies on his laptop. We started watching Saw first, but we changed to Premium Rush after the first 8 minutes where two people were racing to cut off as many body parts as possible to prevent a nail from drilling into their brains through the temples. Ugh. 

After that we went to my mum's office (cuz she didn't want to work there alone adm yes that's my mum at the back) where we watched Catching Fire. I thought it was really captivating and exciting!! Nothing beats reading the book though. 

On Sunday I went for service (which was good even though I wasn't very used to the new pastor speaking!) and wasted the rest of the time away. Yu wan then came for durians and then we laze around and watched funny vines. 

In the evening The Gems and I celebrated Samie's birthday! It was so stressful slinking around in Nex (like Mission Impossible yknow) when she arrived and okay, for the first time my surprise actually worked (probably cuz the other girls were there to help) 

Introducing my friend for 11 years now!! Love you samsypansy :* 

Moving on. Monday, I also wasted away as I went to meet Nic and WenJieJie for Llaollao. My virgin llaollao experience!! It was pretty good. A bit overpriced though but I'd totally go back again :> 

A cute WJJ to brighten up this wordy post!

And in the evening I met Livs and Bel for my (also) virgin experience at ChompChomp! The food was so yum although the oil in the food there could've cooked my dinner for the next two years, eek. 

Olivia spent the whole of the train ride home spazzing about Seb and ah, it's such a nice fluffy feeling knowing that your best friend is happy :] 

School officially started today and nothing about this feeling is wonderful. Jc skirt is tight and pencil-y, I have to take Chinese which means extra lectures, project work (aka. Painful work) is a pain in the ass and I honestly do not like studying. But we all have to study and gah, I've long ago accepted that.

Hung out with sheng for a good dinner though after school, and that's the best part of school- seeing sheng. 

I know I know, overly-attached human alert but there are just some people whose company you just crave for and can't exactly live without.

Well. Today is actually the 8th month since our first date (not that I'm keeping track exactly) (kidding. It means a lot.) and I'd just like to give you a great big virtual hug, sheng, for always being my number one fan (idc if you're not. I say you are.) and for always listening to my nonsense and telling me your nonsense. Thank you for seeing my weird quirks as "cute" and for telling me I'm just the right size when I feel like I'm too pudgy. Thank you for always making me laugh, oh how I adore funny people like you. (Psst, you're still my favourite funny person though) 

I'll never stop looking at you like this 

Even though it looks hella gay. (So not cool.) 

My big fat heart is all yours. 

xxx

Sometimes I still do wonder about how different things would be if we were right for each other at the right time. 

http://tcat.tc/1j0gkNZ 

 

I love reading thought catalog. It makes me think about everything and even though thinking is tiring, thinking also makes me feel like a more accomplished individual. Haha. 

Exams are finally ending! It's definitely something worth celebrating. 

So, to celebrate the end of the last paper of my first exam in my new school, I'm going art-shopping tomorrow!! 

whoopeeee

Life is rosy :] 

Been a good long time

It's been so long since I hung out with Lebs cuz mr popular is always so busy with friends and family and church that lil old Rachel could hardly steal him away just for a bit but TADA. Finally. 

It wasn't a full day outing or anything (cuz he's gotta go to Bali tmr) but we had a nice pleasant time hehe 

We went to watch The Fault In Our Stars which was... Hmm. Okay I guess. 

I brought 3 packets of tissue out today but I didn't even use one (I'd expected to though!) quite proud of myself for not crying heheh *thumps chest* 

It was sad that Agustus died (I'm not spoiling anything right. Everyone knows that Agustus died right. Right?) but I think what really made me come closest to crying was when Hazel started crying. You see, I only feel like crying when I see people cry. Meh. 

Lebs didn't cry too HAHAH 

After that we went to explore around Kallang. The view was very pretty! You could see the CBD area from where we were in the picture above. 

Then we tried to take a selfie with the nice view but my hair kept flying into his face HAHAHA (look at pictures starting from the top left corner and go clockwise.) 

.... 

And that's all we did actually. We had a very good catching up session at Starbucks then I went home to study. 

I actually do miss that irritant a lot because he's been a close friend since sec... 2? 

Remember those good times lebs? 

(I cringed at this) 

Okay, stay safe in Bali, Lebs! Please don't fall into rivers and get eaten by sharks or whatever! 

xxx

Oh yeah, and I chopped quite a bit if my locks off ): sigh. But my hair feels fresh and nice now! 

New dress I bought from my shopping expedition with nic hehehe