I knew how painful it was for you in the past and when I listened to you tell your story. I told myself : I'd never do that to you.
I really wouldn't. But then, there came the time for me to make a choice between you and what I believe in. A time too soon, I feel, although I knew it was going to come and pushing this matter to the back of my mind every time I'm with you, and only focussing on all the good good feelings you make me feel wasn't really helping anyway. Because it's all I can think about when I'm not with you. The right choice is always the hardest, although it'll make things good in the end.
I know I made the right choice. I can feel it.
But it's so hard.
I know you didn't ask for all these complications and you sure didn't expect them at the start.
And I think my second greatest fear is that you'll think about how hard this is going to be for you, and you'll just say "you know what, another girl would be so much easier."
Well, that's second because the first is seeing you all upset and frustrated, and knowing I had a part to play in putting you in that tough spot you're in right now- exactly what I vowed to myself I wouldn't do.
This isn't a very good feeling for me too.
I can't feel happy when you're not happy, you understand?
Hmm well, we will never know how strong we are, or we can be, without these tough times, right?
And right now, in spite of this icky achybreaky feeling my heart is experiencing, I have enough faith and hope that we'll get through this just fine.
Better than fine.
When this is over we'll come out great, and happier than ever.
:-)
BUT ITS SO HARD RIGHT NOW, UGH I NEED TO SMASH SOME CARS.
